


Trouble with Faces

by Resacon1990



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bilbo can't recognise any of the Company, Bilbo is Faceblind, Bungo and Belladonna are awesome parents, But also very helpful, Dwalin is a total dick (in a good way), Fluff, Hobbit Kink Meme, Little bit of angst, M/M, Nori is a Little Shit, Prosopagnosia, Thorin is a Nice Guy, Thorin is also incredibly helpful, faceblindness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 22:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4154616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resacon1990/pseuds/Resacon1990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick trip to the elven traveller of the month was enough for the entire Shire to realise that Belladonna and Bungo Baggins had a <em>face blind son</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trouble with Faces

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Kink Meme Post [here](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/14338.html?thread=26031874).
> 
> **Original Post:**
>
>> Prosopagnosia (face blindness) suffering Bilbo, had trouble in the Shire for having difficulty telling any hobbit apart between a sea of hobbits with too similar body and clothing styles.
>> 
>> Suddenly in a group of people he can tell easily apart by distinctive clothing and hair styles, also, you know, beards.
>> 
>> Of course there's still trouble in the beginning, because there has to be some fun before any fluff.
>> 
>> Would prefer there not be some handy dandy dwarf explanation, but if anyone actually fills this it's not like I would complain. 
> 
>    
> Hopefully it's not too terrible! 

At first he can't recognize who any of the dwarves are.

It's not a problem, Bilbo's dealt with this kind of thing all his life. It was first noticed when he was born, and it took _weeks_ for Bilbo to stop screaming every time one of his parents came in the room. A quick trip to the elven traveller of the month was enough for the entire Shire to realise that Belladonna and Bungo Baggins had a _face blind son_.

Oh it was disgraceful. Belladonna didn't care, but Bungo was the one that had to deal with the social repercussions for their family. He took it in his stride, but Bilbo was certain that his father resented him somewhat for the trouble Bilbo caused.

His mother taught him very quickly what face blindness, or prosopagnosia as the elf had called it, meant. Bilbo simply couldn't recognize faces. It made sense then why there seemed to be _millions_ of hobbits in the Shire, even though his father had said there were only just over a thousand. Bilbo simply didn't recognize any of them, each face a new one despite the names always sounding familiar.

So he adapted. He tried to find ways to identify people. He looked at clothing, the way someone moved, hair colour and body shape, he even grew to have a good memory for _voices_. His parents sought to make it easier for him, and soon enough he could tell who was his mother by her outrageous _blue_ feet hair and his father by the new tattoo on the back of his hand. It was _scandalous_ in the Shire, but Belladonna shrugged it all off and Bilbo had never been thankful to have such kind parents.

But he never was able to identify many other hobbits considering they all _walked_ the same, all wore that same clothes, and all had the same hairstyle. Although, Gaffer Gamgee next door walked with a horrendous limp and always had on a silly hat that Bilbo recognized. Daisy Brandybuck always wore a brilliant bright purple dress and Bilbo had only ever mistaken one other for her. His cousin Drogo Baggins, once he found out about Bilbo's condition, always styled his hair in the most ridiculous points so Bilbo would always be able to tell who he was. It was the little things, and even though Bilbo did not have that many friends, the ones he did have were wonderful.

Everything was okay, even when his parents died things were okay. Bilbo had learned to cope and even though he wasn't very good in _any_ social situation, he had a good handful of friends that were wonderful.

Then there was a knock on his door and a great _big_ bald dwarf walked through and proceeded to start the process of _eating him out of house and home_.

He repeats the dwarf's name to himself for the whole ten minutes as he watches Dwalin eat his food, but he chooses not to memorize anything else. He doubts this dwarf is going to be lurking around much longer, and he sees no point in remember any of his features.

Then the next dwarf, Balin, walks in, followed by Kili and Fili, and very very quickly Bilbo regrets not taking the chance when he could to memorize who those four are because the door flings open a third time and Bilbo has to _dig_ his way out of a mass of hair and sweaty muscles.

Twelve dwarves, twelve names, and a complete inability to remember who any of them are. Bilbo thinks this whole journey starts off just _wonderfully_ , especially when he promptly forgets which one is _Thorin bloody Oakenshield_ the moment he walks through the door.

Still, he's convinced to go on this trip by their mournful singing, and he reckons that he'll figure out the rest along the way.

 

…

 

At first he gets lucky. He vaguely remembers Balin having a giant white beard, so when he approaches the horse march after sprinting all the way from Bag End he instantly heads towards the large white bearded dwarf and hopes for the best.

He manages to guess right, and he lets out a deep breath as Gandalf smiles as him. He only recognizes the wizard by his grey robes and pointy hat, and he hopes that Gandalf stays the only person on this trip with such an attire.

Luckily he's left to his own devices for the first little while of the march, and he can look at all the dwarves and try to remember who they are. Of course each face that looks back is brand new, and there's only a small selection of names in his head to place to them.

Balin is the one with the white beard, he remembers, and Fili is easy to remember as well. He's the only dwarf in the Company with blond hair, something that is apparently quite odd in dwarven culture he finds out later from Gandalf, but he's not complaining. It makes it easier to recognize who he is. The name "Dwalin" floats around in his head, and he knows that he was the first dwarf at his door but he can't remember _anything_ about his facial features or any features at all.

When it comes to the second day and the dwarves start bringing him into their conversations he realizes he probably needs to get a handle on this and _quickly_.

He approaches on of the dwarves later that night. He's got pointy hair, kind of shaped like a star, and Bilbo hopes he's friendly as he plasters on a smile and approaches him.

"Hi," he starts off shyly, and the dwarf looks at him with a raised eyebrow, "um, Dori right?"

The dwarf bursts out laughing, and Bilbo instantly feels ashamed. Of course. He definitely got that name wrong. He has half a mind to shuffle away and hide his face in shame, but surprisingly the dwarf reaches out and pats his arm.

"It's an honest mistake," he says with a grin on his face, "I'm _Nori_. Dori is my old ass of a brother."

Bilbo stands still for a moment before he smiles back and takes a seat beside Nori. "Sorry," he apologizes, and Nori just waves him off, "I'm not very good with putting names to faces."

"It's alright, lad," Nori chuckles and he pats Bilbo's shoulder again. "It's only your second day traveling with us. I don't think any of us expect you to get our names right on first go, especially with a lot of them sounding the same."

"Thank you," Bilbo says sincerely, and Nori just inclines his head before looking back out at the rest of the group. It takes Bilbo a moment, but eventually he manages to take a deep breath and turn back to Nori. "Um, Nori," he starts, and it gets Nori's attention and a raised eyebrow, "do you think you might be able to tell me who is who?"

Nori snorts before nodding his head. "Course," he says before he starts pointing at all of them, "that giant brute over there is Dwalin, and beside him is our lovely leader, Thorin. Sitting down in front of the fire, with the cardigan, is my younger brother Ori, and beside him with that _ridiculous_ hat is Bofur. Bombur is the one who's cooking us dinner, and Gloin is the one arguing with him about it. Watch out for those two, they're _always_ bickering and I'd suggest you don't mix them up. Dori is the one sitting beside Balin, who I assume you already know. Bifur is the one with the axe in his head and he's sitting with Oin, our lovely healer, and the one sitting with Fili is his younger brother Kili."

Bilbo can barely keep up with Nori. He registers what every name is, which he is thankful for, but he can only put Bofur as the one with the silly hat and Bifur as the one with the axe in his head before everyone is once more unfamiliar.

"You got all that?" Nori asks, and Bilbo gives him a strained smile.

"I do, yes," he says. He obviously doesn't, but he's not going to tell a _dwarf_ that. They're a harsher kind of people. He doesn't really want to know what kind of reaction they'll have when they realise he can't recognize any of their faces… the hobbit's were bad enough!

Nori doesn't look convinced but he lets Bilbo go anyway, and Bilbo quickly shuffles over to sit by Gandalf and join him in smoking a pipe. Gandalf raises an eyebrow in question at Bilbo's sullen mood, but Bilbo just waves him off and concentrates on trying to put names to features.

 

…

 

Somehow he manages to go for a couple of weeks with only knowing who _five_ of the thirteen dwarves are. Well, practically six. He can't remember Thorin's face but he does know his voice by now with the amount of times he's been bellowed at by the dwarf. Unfortunately Thorin speaks fast and harshly though, and Bilbo never has enough time to figure out another feature that could show him just _who_ the leader of this blasted adventure is.

Balin is an absolute delight though, and Bilbo practically latches onto him whenever he can. Balin doesn't seem too fazed though, and the two will go all day just talking about history and books, and Bilbo is delighted to find someone as interested in those subjects as he is.

Bofur is also wonderful to be around, and he quickly becomes Bilbo's other close friend in the company. He's musical and chatty, and sometimes he's incredibly inappropriate, but Bilbo likes him anyway. He struggles sometimes when Bofur takes his hat off, normally when Nori plays a trick and steals it, but Bofur is not often without it anyway.

Fili and Bifur are obvious to him with the blond hair and _axe in the bloody head_ , but he doesn't associate with them as much. Fili is always out scouting or up ahead of their convoy, and Bifur is grouchier than Bilbo could ever imagine. Not to mention the language barrier, and Bilbo doesn't think he can learn Khuzdul very quickly.

He only trips up a couple of times. Sometimes he accidentally calls them by the wrong name, and most of them just laugh it off. He calls accidentally addresses Kili as Oin at one point, and Kili looks mortally offended while Fili rolls around on the ground laughing. Within moments the whole camp is laughing and Kili storms around angrily until he starts laughing and imitating Oin. It is quite funny, and Bilbo finds himself laughing along with the others.

He finds out about Ori's crush on Dwalin when he's sitting with Bofur and Ori. Bofur takes his hat off when Bilbo isn't looking and Bilbo mistakes him for Dwalin. Bofur bursts out laughing and Ori mutters about how he wishes it were so, at least Dwalin would be more attainable then. Bilbo spends the rest of that night teasing Ori with Bofur, and he's still grinning in the morning.

Although, it becomes well known throughout the group that hobbit's, especially Bilbo, are _really_ terrible at remember faces, and Bilbo flushes bright red whenever they mock him. Balin assures him it's all in good humor, but Bilbo can't help but feel really stupid. Often he'll skulk off and go find Gandalf for some kinder company.

Everything comes to a head though when he makes the fatal mistake of mixing Bombur and Gloin up. He knew it was going to happen, especially since Nori told him not too. They both look too similar. Red hair, big robust tummies, often grouchy attitudes in the evenings. Not to mention that they _both_ lurk around the cooking pot when everyone lines up for their food.

He's also standing in line when it happens. One of the two pass him his full bowl, and he feels confident enough in knowing who it is to say "thank you, Bombur", only for the hand to seize around the bowl and the dwarf to mutter a very harsh "… _what_ did you say?"

It's chaos within seconds. Gloin is promptly yelling at Bilbo for mixing him up with "that _fat_ hunk of lard", Bombur is yelling that at least Bilbo knows who to appreciate more, the other Ur brothers are storming forward to challenge Gloin while Oin is roaring loud enough to make Bilbo's ears ring.

It dissolves into chaos, and Bilbo is thankful when a hand is on his shoulder and Nori is dragging him back from the pissing contest going on.

"What did I _say_?" Nori hisses as he pushes Bilbo to the sidelines, "of all of them to get missed up, you had to go for Bombur and Gloin? Honestly Bilbo, sometimes I wonder if you're just _blind_."

Bilbo doesn't like the way Nori says that, but he can't say anything as Nori just shoves a bowl of food in his hands and leaves him standing there while he joins the fray. It is absolute chaos, and Bilbo feels incredibly guilty as he stands still before turning around and leaving the camp for a bit of quiet and alone time.

He thought this would be easy. Turns out he was very very wrong.

 

…

 

He decides the next night that he needs to speak to Thorin about all of this. He needs to let the leader know just _why_ Bilbo is accidentally causing massive rows in the camp, and when they settle down for the night he squares his shoulders and walks up to who he believes is Thorin.

"Thorin," he says, "I must speak with you."

Silence reigns out through the camp before suddenly there is loud cackling and hollering and Bilbo realizes that he mustn't be speaking to Thorin at all. In fact, by the deep guffawing from the dwarf in front of him, Bilbo thinks he may have just accidentally spoken to _Dwalin_ instead.

"Thorin's on the other side of the camp, laddie," Dwalin snorts through his laughter, and Bilbo can feel his cheeks starting to burn up, "although, I'm honored that you think I'm regal enough to be a king. Someone get me a crown!"

Bilbo really does feel completely embarrassed, and he has half a mind to scurry off somewhere, but he's stopped by a large hand on his shoulder and it's Thorin's voice that speaks next.

"Come along then, Hobbit," he says and Bilbo can still hear his distaste for Dwalin's actions in his voice, "we shall speak in private."

Bilbo doesn't resist as the dwarf starts to lead him away from the cackling others. His cheeks are still a bright and red and still very warm, and he hides his face from Thorin when they stop just out of hearing distance from the group.

"I'm sorry," Bilbo awkwardly mutters, "I don't mean to upset anyone or-"

"You're face blind," Thorin cuts him off, and Bilbo freezes before looking up at Thorin in shock. Thorin just shrugs though. "My brother was the same. He had to identify who everyone was through features other than facial."

"You… you know?"

"Of course I do," Thorin snorts as he leans back against a tree. "It's been weeks since we left the Shire and yet you still can't put names to faces? No one is that bad with recognition without there being an actual problem."

"I… I-"

"Who do you know already?" Thorin interrupts and Bilbo glances back at the camp where he can still see everyone prancing around the fire, one of them with a false wooden crown on his head and Bilbo gathers that one is Dwalin.

"Balin has the large white beard," he starts saying, and Thorin nods his head, "and Fili has the blond hair. Those two are easy. Bofur always wears his hat, but I struggle to notice anything else that's different about him. Bifur has the axe in his head, and Nori has the star shaped hairdo."

"No one else?"

"I know names, I know features, I just don't know who has what."

Thorin hums before he reaches down to rummage around in his large coat pockets. "Here," he says, and Bilbo glances down to see he's holding out a piece of parchment and a piece of charcoal, "write that all down."

Bilbo doesn't question why and just does as he's asked. He sits down on the ground to press the paper against it and, since he gathers that Thorin will help him identify the others, he draws a quick table with thirteen rows. He fills in the first five before turning to look at Thorin with wide eyes.

"Right," Thorin clears his throat before he begins to point the dwarves out. "The one with the horn currently in his ear? That's Oin. You won't ever see him without his horn, or if you do just remember he's the one with the grey loopy hair style."

Bilbo quickly figures out which one is Oin before nodding and writing it down.

"Dwalin is the tallest dwarf, and he's the bald one with all the tattoos. He's currently prancing around like an idiot with the crown on his head." Thorin shakes his head and Bilbo laughs, only stopping when Thorin surprises him by settling down on the ground beside him. "Ori is the one with the cardigans, he is never without them. Hair wise? He's the only one with a _brown_ fringe."

"You keep referencing to hair," Bilbo mumbles as he spots which one is definitely Ori and writes down Thorin's description. "Why?"

Thorin purses his lips before he glances down and smiles at Bilbo. "It's the most outrageous part of a dwarf," he explains, "and the one thing that will never change. It's how Frerin recognized all of us. Everyone around him would pick the craziest hairdo they could think of and Frerin would be able to tell who was who by what kind of plait or braid they had."

"I have a cousin who did that for me," Bilbo murmurs as he thinks of Drogo, and Thorin nods.

"It's the most effective way of handling face blindness," he says gently, and Bilbo is surprised at how kind Thorin is being. "Anyway, Bombur is the roundest one here. He is bigger than Gloin, and he has the scarf like orange beard that sits on his tum. Gloin has the _reddest_ hair out of everyone, and that's his only real defining feature."

Bilbo is thankful that Thorin is being slow about this, and he takes the time to pick each dwarf out, give them a name, then write down their most noticeable characteristics.

"Dori has the other white and grey hair in the troop, but his is more of a tight up-do rather than Balin's long white beard or Oin's loops. And finally Kili," Thorin purses his lips as he squints across the distance to look at his nephew and Bilbo finds it strangely endearing, "well, Kili is the only one in the group with hardly any beard and no braids."

"You have hardly any beard."

"But I still have some, _and_ I have braids," Thorin counters, and he tugs on his braids to make an example and Bilbo laughs as he shakes his head. He quickly writes everything down before looking at the final box.

"And you?" he asks quietly, and Thorin looks down at him with a raised eyebrow, "how will I recognize you?"

Thorin doesn't say anything before he spreads his arms and tilts his head in Bilbo's direction. "You tell me," he says, and there's a small smile on his face that makes Bilbo feel… well, feel a bit _funny_.

He looks Thorin up and down. He can't remember his face as soon as he looks away, but he notices his strong hands, his burly arms, his short beard and long black hair. There's wonderful quite streaks through it, and he lingers on those for a minute before he glances back to Thorin's face. He can't remember seeing it before, but it is a gorgeous face that he spends a few moments looking at. Pointed nose, brilliant blue eyes, wonderfully cut cheekbones, and when Thorin smiles his face crinkles delightfully.

It's probably the first face that Bilbo truly regrets not being able to remember, and he drops his gaze down to the paper in his lap.

"I'm not too sure," he says after a few hesitant moments, and he stiffens when he feels Thorin move a little closer, "I…" he glances back up and looks at Thorin's face again. 

Even though it's a face he can't recognize, he still remembers that when he looked at Thorin moments ago he had appreciated the sheer handsomeness of the dwarf, and once more he finds himself doing the same.

Maybe that's his defining feature, he decides, the handsomest dwarf in the company.

"Not really efficient if we meet another handsome dwarf," Thorin says and Bilbo blushes when he realises he had said that out-loud, "but I do rather like it."

Bilbo can't find words, and he is shocked to see just how close their faces are… and Thorin is _still_ smiling, and his face really is quite handsome and…

"Smallest beard," he suddenly blurts, and Thorin frowns at him, "you have the smallest beard, that's your characteristic."

He quickly turns away and hurriedly writes it down while Thorin still hovers over him. He hadn't noticed how close they'd gotten, and he bites his lip to stop himself from smiling when Thorin pulls away grumbling about how "of course that's my characteristic, bloody hobbits".

Although, in brackets beside Thorin's name, Bilbo does scribble " _most handsomest of the company_ " and when he glances up at Thorin he can see a twinkle in his leaders eyes that wasn't there before.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I wrote this in literally an hour or so, so fingers crossed it's okay, and hopefully you like it OP!
> 
> I was going to write a bit more, namely when they get to Rivendell and I was going to have a moment where Bilbo couldn't tell the difference between Elrond and Lindir, but I didn't think I could drag it out that long. Maybe a sequel one day!
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://resacon1990.tumblr.com/)


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